"Brian's Bistro Spices:
Brian made two critical errors in judgment when he sent me some canisters of his Brian's Bistro Spices to review. First, he assumed that I cook. Second, he assumed that I could be enticed to cook by an image of a severed head on a bed of lettuce poorly rendered in a squashed aspect ratio. Regardless, I made an expedition into this strange place called 'the kitchen' and cracked open my sample tins of Brian's Espresso Spice Rub, Seasoned Salt, and Poultry Seasoning. Now, I'm no Jack Tripper in the kitchen (As far as cooking goes, that is. I'm pretty evenly matched on physical comedy), but I still managed to take a box of flavorless 'Quorn' meat substitute and turn it into something that resembled a spicy, delicious chicken dinner sampler. Luckily for him, Brian's skills in the seasoning arts more than make up for his obvious deficiencies in Photoshop. briansbistrospices.com
VERDICT: The best thing you'll ever rub on your meat"
Words by: Marcus Alexander Hart